Songtext von The Miracle Of Birth

Of all the mystery and wonder And beauty on this earth Nothing can compare to The miracle of birth Well your cervix has been closed And plugged with mucus But soon that viscous plug Will be discharged It’s called ‘bloody show And explosive diarrhea Means that labor's drawing nearer And those sharp painful contractions Cause your cervix to enlarge Beautiful! Then you race your ass Over to the hospital Where they’ll strap you in For the hell ride of your life It’s what your body’s made for You’ll soon be in so much pain That you’ll probably exclaim Please just kill me now Doctor, doula, or midwife Tear, tear, tear Goes your vagina! Never will it be Its cute little self again But the good news is If you have a few more kids The rest will basically Plop right out After hours and hours Of utter torture You may poop yourself and/or Throw up as you bear down Cause you’re a goddess! And though you’ve never Been this tired—Wait! Here comes the ring of fire That’s your vagina bursting Into flames as the head Starts to crown Burn, burn, burn Goes your vagina! And you’ll curse and scream Until you hear a cry! It’s your baby! And oops! There it went-a That was the placenta Which you must expel Or you will surely die! When it’s all over they place The baby on your breast You may be happy for a moment But then for months you’ll be depressed 'Cause you’ve wrecked your life and body You’ll think what’s it really worth? All that for the miracle of birth!