The Large Genitals Song lyrics

i've got large genitals, that i show to elderly women, at the cost of 5 dollars a head. i've got large genitals, bigger than your mother's, and i just showed them to a guy named Fred. oh lord. it's hard to be blessed like this: large testicles, and a large penis. who could ask for anything more? they're lyin' when they say size doesn't matter. imagine how hard it is on my bladder. i can't go sideways through my front door. (chorus) there's a million uses for my dick. i whip it out, and locks i can pick. like a swiss army knife only bigger. it likes a martini with a twist of lime. it's a philanthropist, and it fights crime. did you know that george burke is a wigg