Growing Pains lyrics

Answer the question Why do we have so much trouble connecting? I have an ideal girl in my head And how you behaving just doesn't reflect it I can't do cuddles and breakfast 'Cause I gotta go finish dozens of records But then the second I get on that stage I wanna go pick a whole 'nother profession It's like I'm running from heaven I took a trip somewhere sunny and pleasant But then the second I step off the plane I wanna fly back in the other direction Maybe because the depression I just wanted something that wasn't the present My brain thinks love is deception I can't even feel my own mothers affection I feel like these growing pains are killing me And I tried but nothings really healing me Fix it, fix it I'm picking up the pieces Drifting drifting I feel like letting I feel like letting go I get annoyed when you look in my eyes 'Cause I don't want you to see what is there I don't know if I can trust you so I Pushed you away just to see if you care If you don't love me I'm fine on my own My skin is tougher than diamonds and stones Maybe the reason I make it chaotic Is 'cause when I do it reminds me of home Been chasing an infinite rush Ever since my inner infant was hushed I even traded the love of my life For 30 or 45 minutes of lust If I don't risk it and gamble it all It doesn't feel like I'm winning enough I keep on pulling the trigger to prove To prove I dunno but It's tough to admit it I've always felt so ugly and different I tat up my skin to feel comfortable in it I never complain I just shut up and get it Aye, I keep on working when ryan needs help 'Cause I need this record to fly off the shelf If I can get all of these people to love me Maybe I can finally try it myself I feel like these growing pains are killing me And I tried but nothings really healing me Fix it, fix it I'm picking up the pieces Drifting drifting I feel like letting I feel like letting go