Dejection کے بول

So it looks like we're at that point again Where I don't know where to start and where to stop And I can't decide if it's good or bad or just one of my stupid ideas That will lead to disappointment. I always think I have the right answers but I don't. I can analyse and predict what the fuck I want. I can have the highest expectations just to lower them Again and again and again and again and again. Until I reach that one point when I realize the truth, The truth which is the most beautiful lie I always tell to myself. And then there is disappointment And the thoughts about how much time I wasted And the loss of my self-confidence. I want to pack my bag and leave all of this behind me. I want to lie in my little black hole. I want to take every word I ever said And put it back into my mouth just to swallow them all at once. Thinking back I never did anything of this. I never stopped doing what I like. I always made this for fun and I always will. But now it's really hard to get back on track. And when I thought that all my misery has come to an end The next bottle of glass smashed into pieces. I stepped into the shards and waited for the blood But I didn't feel anything, no pain or whatsoever. I always step on so many things. Callus has formed at the sole of my own two feet but I still stumble over them. Once you have broken something you can't break it again. I'm not sure whether I am really broken or just got used to those things. Is it really possible to shut down your emotions completely? Is it good or bad and am I save or in danger from humanity? Will I ever count as the feeling and caring husband again? As long as I believe, I can get out of this grief. I won't be dejected again. Get me out of here! Fuck