Original lyrics

EN

I only talk to You when I run out of options And I hate that I know it! I scroll through everything just to stay numb Like if I stop, it's all gonna catch up I know the pattern, I know the loop I say I'm changing, I never do I keep my phone on just in case Something distracts me from what I hate I've learned to live like this instead Of dealing with what's in my head I wait until it's way too much Then I pretend I'm out of control I don't pray until it hurts Until I feel like nothing works Until I'm backed against the worst Then I say Your name I don't look up, I don't reach out Until I'm breaking down out loud Like You're the only way out now But I'm the one to blame I've had the chance to do this right But I just push it out of sight It's easier to stay the same Than face the things I never changed I talk like I'm aware of it Like that alone means something But knowing doesn't fix a thing When I still choose to run from it If I only call when I'm desperate Do You even hear it the same? Or am I just repeating A version of myself I hate? I don't want help, I want relief There's a difference and it's killing me I don't want truth, I want it gone I don't want change if it takes too long I don't pray until it hurts Until I feel like nothing works Until I'm drowning in the worst Then I say Your name I disappear, then reappear Like somehow You'll still be here Every time I land in fear I do the same thing I know exactly what I'm doing I just don't stop!