I Hate Who I Am lyrics

I still remember how she walked through my door Like she belonged there, like she wanted more I should've known better, I should've seen the red But I was broken open, let her inside my head She took my time like it was hers to spend And I just watched it burn, I didn't try to defend Now I'm staring at the walls she used to decorate Every empty corner feels like dead weight I gave her pieces I can't get back Now I'm walking through the dark with a hole in my chest And I hate that I let her in, I hate that I said yes But I was so damn lonely, I was so damn desperate And I know it's not her fault, not really I was the one who opened up so freely I was the one who thought that she could save me Now I'm drowning in the silence that she gave me I hate who I am, I hate what I became I hate that I remember, I hate that I know her name I hate that time keeps moving while I'm stuck right here The worst part isn't losing her, it's the years It's the years it's gonna take to feel okay again It's the years of waking up and wondering when When the hell does this stop hurting, when do I get free I hate who I am, and she's not even thinking about me People say move on, like it's something you just do Like I can flip a switch and not be missing you But you were in my bloodstream, you were in my bones And now I'm detoxing from you all alone I blame myself for every second that I gave For every I love you that I couldn't save I was a disappointment waiting to happen And she saw right through me, she saw me unraveling I wasn't enough, I was never enough And I keep replaying it, I keep calling my own bluff I let her see the worst parts, I let her see me cry And she left like they all do, no goodbye And I know it's not her fault, not really I was the one who opened up so freely I was the one who thought that she could save me Now I'm drowning in the silence that she gave me I hate who I am, I hate what I became I hate that I remember, I hate that I know her name I hate that time keeps moving while I'm stuck right here The worst part isn't losing her, it's the years It's the years it's gonna take to feel okay again It's the years of waking up and wondering when When the hell does this stop hurting, when do I get free I hate who I am, and she's not even thinking about me I didn't have a choice, I tell myself at night But that's a lie I use to make it feel alright I had a choice, I chose to let her stay I chose to hand my heart to someone who would walk away And now I'm in the hole she dug and left behind And I'm the one still digging, I'm the one who's blind The time I lost is gone, I know it's gone for good But the time I haven't lost yet hurts worse than it should I'm mourning futures that will never come to pass I'm mourning who I was before I let her in, before this crash I never had a chance, not really, not with me I was always gonna end up here, I was always gonna bleed I hate who I am, I hate what I became I hate that I remember, I hate that I know her name I hate that time keeps moving while I'm stuck right here The worst part isn't losing her, it's the years It's the years it's gonna take to feel okay again It's the years of waking up and wondering when When the hell does this stop hurting, when do I get free I hate who I am, and she's not even thinking about me I hate who I am I hate who I am And she's not even thinking about me I hate who I am I hate who I am And the years The years The years